I have the attention span of a pet hamster. Because of this, I love and leave writing projects like a writing whore. Hopefully this blog does not become another notch in my bedpost. That way I can send a link here to all of the important writer-y people I contact and say, "Lookie here! See?! I actually do write on a fairly regular basis!" This blog will hopefully help compensate for my tiny resume.

Also, writing is crucial to my survival. If I don't write, I die. This hasn't been confirmed, but I wouldn't want to test this theory out. I prefer myself alive.

When I write, I don't really write at all. I just talk through my fingers. The only difference is that I can actually consider things before I write them. With talking, unfortunately, you can't go back and edit it to sparkly perfection. If you could, I would be a lot less socially awkward.

Naturally, I wanted a blog name that perfectly embodies what this blog is going to be about. This was a challenge to me. I love naming things. If I had the option to name and constantly rename my future children I would, although I'm sure that would traumatize everyone involved.

My Poor Son's First Grade Teacher: "What is 2 + 2...Jimmy?"
My Poor Son: "My mom watched the Lord of the Rings movies, so I'm 'Dominic' this week."
My Poor Son's First Grade Teacher: "...."

I pondered, and I pondered, and I pondered some more. Then the perfect name came to me in an epiphany, and this is what it looked like in my brain.

Whiticism

It was personal, yet didn't simply involve my full name. (There are at least 100 people that share a name with me, so that would be moot.) It involved wordplay on "criticism," and I enjoy wordplay. I was even able to define it:

whit·i·cism - noun: A snarky sometimes witty take on the world through the eyes of someone named Whitney, who is snarky and sometimes witty.

I excitedly went online to register this name, when I discovered to my horror that it was taken. The way the person who thought up the name first defines "whiticism" is as follows:

whit·i·cism - noun: LOOK AT MY BABY!!!!

I tried to add an "s" at the end to make it "whiticisms," but this was also taken. For an extra emotional kick in the pants, this blog only has one entry...written six years ago. If I ran a blogging website, I would force those who never use their blogs to purge their awesome usernames and surrender them to those who plan to write regularly. The user who never writes would then receive a mediocre username in its place. (Examples: iusetoiletpaper, iownacomputer, puppiesarenice, or the most straightforward iamlameandneverupdate.)

This is how I compromised to "whitnicism," which sounds like "witness-ism" in my head and doesn't quite roll off the tongue the way "whiticism" does. Yet that is life. We settle for the cards we've been dealt. (At least we settle when we're too lazy to come up with a new username that hasn't already been taken.)

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