Dear Next Guy I Entangle Into Romantic Involvement With Me,

For the record, I'm sort of a master of staying single for long periods of time and being mostly content with it. However, I can't help but notice lately that you haven't managed to show up yet. I know the universe doesn't work like this: "I am ready! Generate me a partner!" Then there isn't going to be a thunderclap, and you're not going to instantaneously appear in front of me. It's frustrating nonetheless. It doesn't really help that everyone I know is getting into serious relationships, and even marriages; I feel like I missed out on some memo.

I hope you've realized all of this already, but I'm a pretty awesome person. My face isn't completely abrasive to look at. I'm funny. I'm capable of smart, deep, meaningful conversation. I'm not only honest, but it's nearly impossible for me not to be. (If you need confirmation on this, just ask my mom. She has seen "the look of lie" on several occasions.) I'm an unconditional, attentive, supportive listener. Most of all, while my loyalty is hard won, I'll bend over backwards for those that I care about. (I can give several family members, friends, and coworkers for references.)

You'd think, logistically, there would be several people who would want to tap this. Well...I've dated some other men in the past. If I were a book and there was a page of reviews written about me, I think it would look something like this:

These are direct quotes, by the way. (Except the last one. I've never actually had a guy rate me five stars.) I'd hate to advertise that I'm a perfect person, a perfect girlfriend, or that I didn't contribute at all to these failed relationships. All of the above is a falsehood, although I'd like to think I've learned and grown from it. The point is, while there are reasons my past relationships didn't work out, I haven't went out with anyone who wouldn't recommend dating me.

I've also been doing this really weird thing in my casual dating where I show interest in the guys I'm into, but try not to lead on the others. I know! That's crazy, right? I mean, who does that? Girls that don't play mind games and are looking for a straightforward, honest connection with someone? Pffft! Regardless of this, I've seen a pattern.

Guy: I like you.
Me: Awesome sauce.
Guy: Like, I really like you a lot.
Me: Cool beans!
Guy: I'm leaving very little room for doubt that I'm into you.
Me: Scha-weet!
Guy: All signals are go that I want to keep seeing you.
Me: Yay! I feel the exact same way about you!
Guy: Um...you know what? Scratch all of that.
Me: ...
Guy: Interest. Feelings. Off. Gone.
Me: Really? Just like that?
Guy: Yep.
Me: ...Want to show me only vague interest and get my hopes up that you'll change your mind back one day?
Guy: Okay!

I don't know if you're interpreting all of this the same way I am, Future Boyfriend. You know what it has felt like to me, though? Guy after guy is looking me right in the face, taking into consideration all of my awesome qualities and everything I have to offer them, and saying, "Eh. No, thanks. I'll pass." 

This is starting to get tiring. I wish I was an emotional BAMF, someone whose self-esteem doesn't take a hit based on who doesn't want to date them. The truth is, I just care. A lot. About everything, really. Whatever I invest myself in -- from my job, to my friends and family -- I give 110%. I have a lot of love in this big, puffy heart of mine. Whenever I get taken advantage of, it's hard to remember that caring isn't an inherently bad quality.

I must say this is good news for you, Future Boyfriend, because you can only gain from this. As for the other guys, I'm trying to feel a little less sorry for myself and a little more sorry for them. I can't make anyone's life decisions for them, but I wouldn't recommend discarding someone like me. Oh, well. That's their prerogative, I guess. Have fun not having the best girlfriend ever? Congratulations on your life and your choices?

Right now I have some time to think about what I hope you're going to be like when I finally do meet you. Let's just say that I hope you're awesome.

I hope you're funny, smart, and creative.

I hope watching the extended edition of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, back to back to back, sounds like a good date idea.

I hope you sometimes surprise me at my work just to say hello. I have coworkers whose boyfriends do this, and it's pretty freaking adorable.

My most important criteria lately, however, is that I hope you handle relationships the same way I handle relationships. When I'm with a man I give him consistent attention, rock hard support, and unfaltering appreciation. I'm realizing that I deserve to get this in return, as well.

I don't necessarily need it right now. But it would be nice.

(Seriously, though. Hurry up, already.)

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