As any of you with a Facebook account already know, the latest trend on the internet has been 30 Days of Thankfulness. It's pretty self-explanatory, really; for every day of November, you write a Facebook status about something you are thankful for. Hold up for a minute. I could have been bragging about my life for twenty-two entire days, without coming off as pretentious? And I missed out on this?!

Because I'm a master procrastinator, and because it's Thanksgiving, here are thirty things I am thankful for in one fell swoop. You're welcome for not clogging up your news feed, Facebook friends.

1. I am thankful for microwaves. I am always 30 seconds away from having hot cheese on any food I want.

2. I am thankful for the internet. It's good to know that there are other nerdy, cat-loving, introverted people in the world.

3. I am thankful for my niece. She's single handedly the best human being on this planet right now.

4. I am thankful for Disney movies. Even if they did give me unrealistic expectations about men, hair, and the social appropriateness for bursting into song when you have a lot of feelings.

5. I am thankful for my mom. For the obvious stuff, like that whole "giving me life and putting up with me for 22 years" thing, but also for things like this:
Mom: Whitney? Do you remember if my toothbrush is the purple one or the orange one?
Me: It's the orange one, Mom. And your pajamas are on backwards.

6. I am thankful for hair dryers, because my hair literally takes 4-5 hours to dry completely on its own and ain't nobody got time for that!

7. I am thankful that I have enough fictional character boyfriends to keep me company until I find a real one. (I have a hot date with Augustus Waters tonight!)

8. I am thankful that I'm not 17 years old anymore. Seriously, THANK GOD.

9. I am thankful that people like Taylor Swift and Zooey Deschanel exist so I can live vicariously through their wardrobes.

10. I am thankful for my job. The job itself sucks, but there are definitely worse people that I could be required to hang out with for eight hours.

11. I am thankful for my sister, because two parents wasn't enough and I needed a third one.

12. I am thankful for coffee. There are some days I can look back on where I could've literally died without the stuff.

13. I am thankful that I have a group of friends that not only tolerate, but even understand, my enjoyment of One Direction.

14. I am thankful for Facebook. It makes an inability to keep your nose out of other people's business SO much easier.

15. I am thankful for carbs. Mmmm, carbs.

16. I am thankful for my best friends. For nerding out with me, listening to me rant, and basically volunteering to put up with me.

17. I am thankful for my dad. He's almost as funny as he thinks he is (and that's pretty funny.)

18. I am thankful, regardless of the foods that I eat on a regular basis, that I am not dead right now.

19. I am thankful for the country of England for many reasons. A big chunk of my heritage, the Beatles, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, YOUR ACCENT.

20. I am thankful for Maury Povich's talk show for always making me feel better about my own life.

21. I am thankful for my brother-in-law, even though he mooned me this morning. Love you, too.

22. I am thankful for not only having a pretty attractive face, but being able to take comfort in the knowledge that I will age well. Thanks genetics!

23. I am thankful for Jason Mraz. I'm also thankful for countless other musicians, but I'm ridiculously thankful for Jason Mraz.

24. I am thankful that I'm not any of these people.

25. I am thankful for zombies. (Please do not hold this against me in the event of an actual zombie apocalypse.)

26. I am thankful for ability to restrain myself from making sad, vague, attention seeking Facebook statuses.

27. I am thankful that I own all three extended editions of the Lord of the Rings trilogy (although I wish I had the time to watch them.)

28. I am thankful that my love of clothes ties in well with my ability to find really, really good deals on clothes.

29. I am thankful that I didn't get myself pregnant as a teenager. Yay team me!

30. I am thankful for the banana cream pie that I'm about to go eat riiiiiiiight...now!

So, there is a new James Bond film or something coming out this weekend. I've gotten a few invites to see this film, and the conversation usually comes out like this:

Them: So, are you seeing the new Bond film?
Me: Nah. I have this thing.
Them: What is it?
Me: A vagina.

I kid, I kid. Although I refuse to infiltrate the sanctity of a midnight showing when I've never seen any of the previous installments. Like, there were Muggles that went to the premiere of Deathly Hallows Part II. Why? Gross.

Bond is a franchise that I'm ridiculously ignorant about. I know, this is what Google is for. But how about I make myself look like a pop cultureless dipwad instead?

Here is literally everything I have come to understand about the James Bond series (although most of this is probably not true):

1. James Bond is a secret agent. Except not so secret because everyone on the entire planet seems to know who he is.
   
   
2. He goes by 007. I don't know what that means, though. It's his code name or something.
   (Fun fact: If you look in the mirror and say "double 0 seven" three times, James Bond will appear behind you covered with oil and wearing a towel.)
   
   
3. James Bond owns an impressive array of suits.
   
   
4. James Bond's job is to save...the world. He just saves the crap out of it. All the time.
   
   
5. James Bond owns a gun. And I'm assuming he knows martial arts of some kind.
   
   
6. He probably has an arch nemesis or something, but I don't know who he is.
   
   
7. In his spare time, James Bond is attempting to "bond" with every hot woman possible. And by "bond" I mean have sex with them. He probably has a lot of STDs, but this hasn't been confirmed.
   
   
8. The woman James Bond has sex with the most is the Bond Girl. Halle Berry was a Bond Girl once.
   
   
9. The requirements for being a Bond Girl are 1) hot 2) able to fire a gun 3) capable of witty banter so as to be mistaken for a strong female lead even though she's probably just an objectified female sidekick and 4) hot.
   
   
10. He says "the name's Bond, James Bond" a lot.

The plot of every James Bond movie is pretty much like this: James Bond is given a mission to save something. After shooting a lot and dealing with a lot of explosions, he saves that thing. Also, James Bond gets a lot of tail. The end.

This newest movie is called Skyfall. It's the "best Bond movie ever," but they say that about every Bond movie, so I don't know. I'm assuming the sky is actually falling, and James Bond has to...catch it? While shooting henchmen and having sex with women? Spoiler alert: He succeeds.

I don't love being ignorant, though, so here are some legitimate questions for people who are James Bond fans.

• Do you have to watch all of the movies to appreciate the series? I just Googled this, and there are 23 of them? Ain't nobody got time for that.
  
  
• How can multiple people play James Bond? To try to explain this to my nerdy self, I make Doctor Who parallels because a) there is a primary male lead the whole series revolves around b) multiple people have played the same character and c) he has a primary female companion. The difference is that I actually understand why the Doctor has been played by several different actors. For James Bond, I just picture it like this:
  
  [after the first few Bond films were made]
  Guy Playing Bond: I quit or something.
  Guy That Created James Bond: Eh, whatever. Let's just cast this second guy to start playing him.
  Everyone Else: But we made an entire series around this guy! Won't that throw people off?
  Guy That Created James Bond: Nah! We'll just cast a new guy, say he's Bond, and he'll be Bond. Nobody will care.
  
  And for some reason nobody did, so they just kept doing this for 23 more movies.
  
  
• Is James Bond a cat person or a dog person?

I'm going to stop prodding my grubby little fingers into movie franchises they don't belong now.