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Thinking, so you don't have to!

whit·ni·cism - noun: A snarky sometimes witty take on the world through the eyes of someone named Whitney, who is snarky and sometimes witty.

I'm fairly convinced that if the average person had access to my brain, it would kill them within five minutes. The rapid pace, obnoxious, persistent thoughts would simply be too much to take.

To avoid insanity and aneurysms on my part, I write. It's the only cure. Fortunately for you, I decided to put some of these thoughts onto the internet for the general public to get a glimpse of.

You're welcome?

Thirty Minutes of Thankfulness

As any of you with a Facebook account already know, the latest trend on the internet has been 30 Days of Thankfulness. It's pretty self-explanatory, really; for every day of November, you write a Facebook status about something you are thankful for. Hold up for a minute. I could have been bragging about my life for twenty-two entire days, without coming off as pretentious? And I missed out on this?!

Because I'm a master procrastinator, and because it's Thanksgiving, here are thirty things I am thankful for in one fell swoop. You're welcome for not clogging up your news feed, Facebook friends.

1. I am thankful for microwaves. I am always 30 seconds away from having hot cheese on any food I want.

2. I am thankful for the internet. It's good to know that there are other nerdy, cat-loving, introverted people in the world.

3. I am thankful for my niece. She's single handedly the best human being on this planet right now.

4. I am thankful for Disney movies. Even if they did give me unrealistic expectations about men, hair, and the social appropriateness for bursting into song when you have a lot of feelings.

5. I am thankful for my mom. For the obvious stuff, like that whole "giving me life and putting up with me for 22 years" thing, but also for things like this:
Mom: Whitney? Do you remember if my toothbrush is the purple one or the orange one?
Me: It's the orange one, Mom. And your pajamas are on backwards.

6. I am thankful for hair dryers, because my hair literally takes 4-5 hours to dry completely on its own and ain't nobody got time for that!

7. I am thankful that I have enough fictional character boyfriends to keep me company until I find a real one. (I have a hot date with Augustus Waters tonight!)

8. I am thankful that I'm not 17 years old anymore. Seriously, THANK GOD.

9. I am thankful that people like Taylor Swift and Zooey Deschanel exist so I can live vicariously through their wardrobes.

10. I am thankful for my job. The job itself sucks, but there are definitely worse people that I could be required to hang out with for eight hours.

11. I am thankful for my sister, because two parents wasn't enough and I needed a third one.

12. I am thankful for coffee. There are some days I can look back on where I could've literally died without the stuff.

13. I am thankful that I have a group of friends that not only tolerate, but even understand, my enjoyment of One Direction.

14. I am thankful for Facebook. It makes an inability to keep your nose out of other people's business SO much easier.

15. I am thankful for carbs. Mmmm, carbs.

16. I am thankful for my best friends. For nerding out with me, listening to me rant, and basically volunteering to put up with me.

17. I am thankful for my dad. He's almost as funny as he thinks he is (and that's pretty funny.)

18. I am thankful, regardless of the foods that I eat on a regular basis, that I am not dead right now.

19. I am thankful for the country of England for many reasons. A big chunk of my heritage, the Beatles, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, YOUR ACCENT.

20. I am thankful for Maury Povich's talk show for always making me feel better about my own life.

21. I am thankful for my brother-in-law, even though he mooned me this morning. Love you, too.

22. I am thankful for not only having a pretty attractive face, but being able to take comfort in the knowledge that I will age well. Thanks genetics!

23. I am thankful for Jason Mraz. I'm also thankful for countless other musicians, but I'm ridiculously thankful for Jason Mraz.

24. I am thankful that I'm not any of these people.

25. I am thankful for zombies. (Please do not hold this against me in the event of an actual zombie apocalypse.)

26. I am thankful for ability to restrain myself from making sad, vague, attention seeking Facebook statuses.

27. I am thankful that I own all three extended editions of the Lord of the Rings trilogy (although I wish I had the time to watch them.)

28. I am thankful that my love of clothes ties in well with my ability to find really, really good deals on clothes.

29. I am thankful that I didn't get myself pregnant as a teenager. Yay team me!

30. I am thankful for the banana cream pie that I'm about to go eat riiiiiiiight...now!
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